In the Dark

My teacher Lee says, change and transformation happen in the dark and in silence– I’ve been contemplating that lately.

I can relate it to yoga,  as my practice did not evolve overnight, it did change in the dark and with no sound, my practice grew without a lot of pomp and circumstance, without an instagram pictorial and without much fan fare.

I go to my mat everyday, whether I practice a strong continual prayer wheel or lay on my mat and be thankful to gravity. There are days when rainbows shoot out my chest and I feel like a Goddess and there are days when I can’t even do a simple forward fold without wincing. It’s the spanda of practice- the rhythm that matches my breath and heartbeat, the work of the roots of the tree and then one day leaves.

We don’t have to know or celebrate the smallest change, we just need to show up everyday to life as it is.  Change happens without our permission, maybe that’s why relationships fail, because we lose our perspective to the Work and we want everything to be a balloon filled room of celebration.  Change and Transformation happen in the dark and in silence.

I know that this is true because I have changed, daily in small bites, and without much recognition, my body my mind and my heart have cracked open– I think that is how it should work, a smashing open or an explosion would be to jarring to my system and I would probably become defensive and shut down, but small cracks that have let the light in, have given me the opportunity to feel safe.

It’s fall and as I clear my yard of leaves and fallen flowers, I know that below the surface worms, bugs and small things I don’t even know are working hard to use the nutrients of that which has fallen– in the dark and in silence.

Darkness is no longer my enemy because that is where many of my changes have occurred– and within the darkness light begins to appear and I practice everyday to remember that I am worthy of darkness, change and transformation.