Mid Terms

We passed mid terms for my students at North Idaho College— and their mid term is to come with a nugget or aha from the previous 8 weeks— something that spoke to them, whether from their journal or from their remembrance. It is always astonishing to me, what speaks to people— and who is this remembrance speaking to exactly the mind, the ego, the body?

The recurring theme from all six classes was, Release myself from my self made jail, My behavior is a reflection of my Aim, and Responsibility is hard. I have a great mix of students, traditional right out of high school, non traditional returners to school, and dual enrolled— still in high school— students; and they all bring amazing points of reference to each class.

Teaching on Keeping Your Aim is never easy, because it breaks the manufacturing that we’ve all had— manufacturing like be nice, apologize even if you don’t need to, and the ever popular, I need to forgive because I was forgiven in a religious context. One of the most challenging pitfalls to teaching Aim is to break people out of their Primal Cramp of separation— this piece of manufacturing is the hardest to peel away— because separation is almost breathed into us at birth- Mary Oliver says it best, “You do not have to crawl 100 miles on your knees repenting, you just need to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.” And to love what you love might mean that you need to break free from your jail of people pleasing, from your self made jail of not wanting to try because you might fail, from your self made jail of unworthiness, etc. I find that when I am in the midst of sentencing myself to a self made jail I can find every justification for being there—it’s easy to step onto the negative self talk rollercoaster. That is why its so fascinating to watch students realize that they are worthy of getting what they want out of life, that their inner desire is really powerful, and that the kid in first grade who picked on you did imprint a survival mechanism that may or may not be healthy. But it is a piece of work to understand.

I’ve spent a lot of years in jail, trying to get it right or be perfect, or hope for a different outcome, but I’ve realized that hoping for is a lot like telling someone you are sending thoughts and prayers— you might actually sit down and pray, but most likely when you finish your text or email it’s over, you have moved on and that thought and prayer was gobbled up by “more pressing matters” like laundry and Facebook.

When we broach the subject of Your Behavior is a reflection of your Aim, it is a sobering day— to hold a mirror to yourself is not easy or popular, but we work through it by letting go of, or at least trying to let go of the judgement around it, which is truly the self made jail— and judgement is really held onto tightly— and I find it’s held onto tightly by the most “non-judge mental” people— people of religious dogma, people who have walked a hard road and are on the other side, and people who really have not tried or failed in life but know it all. Behavior is a exoskeleton that is hard to break free from, it is a truth teller— always and without question your behavior is your Aim— like it or not. I have people in my life that talk the talk of “getting things done” very few— and I mean like 5 people in my life are truly connected Behavior to Aim— I fall short most days, but I do realize when I do and I move forward— being reminded by Earth School that Behavior takes attention and attention is very powerful currency. If I give to much attention to social media or being sucked into a project that doesn’t serve my Aim then I have nothing left and I fall prey to my manufacturing— my I’m not good enough, I must make people happy, I am as good as I do for others manufacturing— and then I’m bankrupt for attention of Aim.

The power is in the seed planted, not in the transformation I think, to bring forth a seed to blossom to fruit you must, or at least I had to deconstruct myself— like a seed breaks away at the shell to reveal a sprout— I had to deconstruct my shields, I had to relearn and remember myself, the me that was me before there was me. Me connected to the Divine, a seed germinated and then sprouted to reveal a tendril of vulnerability- open, spacious, and not rooted in by judgements— just a green shoot, “ that broke the winter ground” —Chynna Galland- sometimes fiercely, sometimes gently, but greatness will arise if you let it if you get out of our own way and #keepyouraim